On loving yourself: Lesson 1

In the spirit of Valentine's Day this month, let's talk about love! And since the relationship you have with yourself is the most important, let's explore self-love...

Since there are so many directions to take with this exploration, I notice a desire to start with defining self-love. You may expect me to start referencing definitions on self-love, the love languages, and/or what exactly you should do. However, I personally believe that guided self-discovery is most meaningful, whereas listing definitions and action items may reinforce the programming/conditioning we fall prey to that keeps us from truly knowing ourselves and what we personally need. Alas, since I am a teacher and experiential learner at heart, here is your first "lesson" (which I also consider an act of self-love!): I encourage you to first give your self attention to your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas that arise about what love means to you personally. Take as long as you'd like here to explore and feel free to write notes in a journal, word document, or notes tab on your phone.

Then, notice what memories, people, pets, etc. may come to mind when I ask you this: when have you felt most loved? Write down whatever you observe coming in to your mind without judgment, and try to really be present with thoughts, memories, feelings, and sensations that are arising (i.e., truly quality time with yourself). Don't put a timer or deadline on this exercise--the deeper you go with this self-reflective exercise, the more you'll likely gain from it. This may mean continually revisiting this exercise over time and experience.

Then, you can start adding a little bit of judgment in approaching this next question: what do you derive from what you've written down? Get curious about the people, memories, and contexts that stand out to you, and any patterns of elements or themes you gather across your analysis. This will start to give you a self-generated understanding of what makes you feel most loved, because you're exploring your personal history and learning more about what self-love means to you. This recognition of elements and themes across times when you've felt most loved can help you start to independently and creatively apply them for yourself.