On the common idea that you shouldn't isolate when you're depressed...

We've been taught that it's not good to isolate when we're depressed, that there's a vicious cycle between the two--we're depressed because we isolate and, at the same time, we isolate because we are depressed. While this generally makes sense, I think it's also important to consider the idea that sometimes the draw to isolate isn't necessarily "wrong" or "unhealthy."

Sometimes this draw to isolate, in the sense of spending time in reflection and solitude, is a natural and necessary part of the process of healing depression and growing through life. Relatedly, I encourage you to consider that a change of interest or pleasure in activities that once brought you joy doesn't necessarily mean there's something "wrong" with or "depressed" about you; rather, it may in fact indicate that you're simply growing and changing for the better.​ What I'm getting at is if you're finding yourself being drawn to isolating versus socializing, and/or you're no longer finding pleasure in activities that used to bring you joy, this may be a healthy pull towards personal and spiritual growth. Naturally, this change can bring about a mix of feelings, with feelings of grief on the one hand and open and excited feelings on the other. There are no rights or wrongs in this process as whatever you're experiencing is valid and true for you and that's all that matters.

In general, whether you've experienced episodes of depression or not, life involves navigating a balance between time in solitude versus socializing and a healthy reliance on your support system. The time in isolation allows us to increase self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance of what we're feeling as we're going through life experiences; these all promote a healthy relationship from within, which is the secure foundation that catalyzes our ability to keep growing and learning.

At the same time, part of what keeps us healthy from within is leaning on a healthy support system, with the quality of your support network being far more important than the quantity (I'll be writing more soon about secure attachment, which requires a healthy dependence on others). Whether we're introverted or extroverted, we are social animals and cannot survive without each other. This is where making sure you're not completely isolating from others comes into play in the sense that while others cannot save us from our feelings and experiences, they can support and lift us in a way that drives us to keep moving forward. 

While depending on others is necessary, it's also important to not over-rely on our support system, whether during or outside of an episode of depression. Relatedly, we don't want to over-rely on anything outside of ourselves. Doing so may enable us to avoid facing ourselves and our personal problems, which keep us from experiencing the necessary growing pains that can only come from turning inward. If you find yourself in this boat, this might indicate a lack of trust and belief in yourself and your abilities to overcome the challenges you're facing. Therapy can help you start to develop a more trusting and secure relationship with yourself.